Monday, November 15, 2010

Deep Breath

I know that CPM and I are not the first people in the history of the world to lose a pet. But really, nothing prepares you for it. I have two other dogs and a cat to love, and I still can't stop thinking about the one that we said goodbye to this weekend. The house feels empty, when in reality, it is still full of puppies and dog fur tumbleweeds.

Things that really suck: doing my normal routine, and realizing how much time Ollie spent shadowing me, and just MISSING that shadow so desperately that I burst into tears at random and odd moments. When I would be chopping food up and cooking dinner, he would position himself so close to the counter, that stray vegetable scraps would typically land right in his mouth. Smart dog. He lay under my chair at dinner. Right under it. Chair adjustments were a challenge. He slept in my armpit, or right up against my back, or with his head on top of my chest, always. He lay by my feet when I sat on the couch. He loved apples and tomatoes, cheese and bread. Well, he loved all food actually. He loved to give kisses. He loved to "shake paw." He loved to chill. He was an incredible pet.

That I have written those last two paragraphs without sobbing is a major improvement. I realize now that I could never be a no dog household...I'm not even sure how we survived all those years that we didn't have pets. I took the other two dogs to get baths yesterday, and the emptiness of the house was painful.

The other dogs know that Ollie is gone. They both obsessively smelled the jeans I wore to take him to the emergency room on Saturday morning. Squirt whined all day, looking for him, frantically making me take her outside to the yard, then back in the house, to find him. Bones is just sad. It's funny. Ollie was the glue that held the pack together. Bones and Ollie were buds, Squirt and Ollie were buds. Bones and Squirt just kind of pass each other in the hallway, occasionally interacting. I'm sure that dynamic will change. They are both mad at Rocky, the cat, which is new. Maybe they blame him.

Today at the new house, we have our framing re-inspection. We failed the first go round, had to do a few things to satisfy the building inspector. If we fail this time, after the weekend that I've had, I may just lose my mind. Fingers crossed, knocking on wood, etc. I need this week to go better than the weekend.

1 comment:

  1. That's how it was when Charlie died. Zelda & Charlie cuddled. Carlos and Charlie cuddled. Zelda & Carlos never cuddled. And, like you, Charlie was around me all day: talking to me, pestering me, just being with me. That was a huge adjustment when he died.
    And now that we just have Zelda and George, the house has less spirit, somehow. While Carlos enjoyed his time alone, he would acknowledge you with a squeaky meow (like the one I heard the other day). Zelda is ridiculously affectionate lately. She let me cuddle with her on Saturday. I actually fell asleep with my arm around her! This has never happened in the 10 years Zel has been with us! George is prancing around with a false sense of entitlement. He needs his ass kicked soon.