My sister wanted to go to the mall last night to buy a dress for a wedding that she is attending. I invited myself along. She was going to leave her 2.5 year old son with me, and take her 8 year old daughter with her. Realizing that I would be forced to hang outside all night because the kid loves to not be in the house (and who could blame him, since he's still too young for Facebook), I just forced my way into her car and decided to play babysitter at the mall.
Observation 1: If you park at the entrance near the carousel, the kids must ride the carousel. Twice.
Observation 2: The dude running the carousel looked a lot like the guy who hosted The Frugal Gourmet.
Observation 3: Escalators are thrill rides in the eyes of a two and a half year old. We rode every escalator in the mall multiple times.
Observation 4: When you are two, hiding from your aunt amidst the clothing racks in Macy's is mandatory.
Observation 5: Build A Bear is the store with the grumpiest employees ever. I seriously think that the woman stuffing the nephew's bear mumbled something about "stupid kids" under her breath. Um, maybe you picked the wrong retail job? (Don't judge me, they are running a SPECIAL! $29.99 for any animal, one outfit, and shoes in the month of August. See! A DEAL! Also, the niece is a little bit manipulative...okay, so she just asked and I was all "whatever, I'll buy you a bear. Wee, spending money makes me feel better about being alone for 2.5 weeks.")
Observation 6: Being two, a boy, and potty trained means getting to demand a special "lift" so you can pee standing up in the public restroom. "Hold me so I can pee Aunt Headuh."
Observation 7: One piece old lady bathing suits with mid-section slimming ruching are HOTTTTTTT. That's what I'll be telling myself this Friday when I sport my new sexy one piece at Wild Water Kingdom. Honestly, I was afraid that any of my "cute" two piece suits just wouldn't hold up to the violence of a water slide splash pool. I don't want to be "that lady whose boob popped out of her top on the tube ride" or "that lady whose bottoms floated away in the wave pool."